


Let me love you

by itsthebat



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics), The Flash (Comics)
Genre: I love them so much, M/M, but dont worry it has a happy ending, heh, i had the sudden urge to write something about hal and barry okay, more or less, they deserve happiness, which is funny because this is so angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 03:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14907339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthebat/pseuds/itsthebat
Summary: Hal comes from a mission, but he's not fine and Barry can't bear seeing him like this.





	Let me love you

Barry can feel something’s wrong as soon as he sees him.

            It’s not only his face—devoid of all emotion—or the bags under his eyes or his slumped shoulders or the way he walks, but what he says. Or rather what he _doesn’t_ say. Barry just stares as Hal opens the door, closes it and walks to the kitchen. He doesn’t say hi, doesn’t crack a joke, and doesn’t open his mouth at all.

            When he comes back from a mission with the rest of the Corps, he usually tells Barry about it as soon as he gets home. When he’s away a particularly long time, Hal always comes with bloodshot eyes, a smirk, and his worn-off jacket and takes Barry out for dinner to a fancy place. “You deserve it,” he’d say and then he’d kiss him.

            But today his eyes are bloodshot and he’s wearing his worn-off jacket, but there’s not a trace of his smirk. He just takes a box of cereals from the cupboard and sits on the counter. He doesn’t even have a bowl or a spoon or any milk.

            From the sofa, Barry eyes him carefully. “Hal?” he says, leaving his book on the coffee table. “Are you okay?”

            Hal doesn’t answer and Barry doesn’t move, waiting for something. Maybe he’s just tired? He’s been gone for almost two weeks; every time they talked, Hal told him how bad it was where he was, but that he got everything under control. That he was fine and he would be home soon. If something was wrong, Hal didn’t mention it.

            Barry turns on his mobile phone and checks what day is it, because maybe it’s the anniversary of the day Hal’s dad died, or maybe it’s their anniversary and Hal is upset that Barry didn’t remember. But it’s the 14th of May and Barry doesn’t think anything important is happening today.

            His head snaps up when he hears Hal crying. At first, it’s just sobs, almost too low to hear them, but when Barry looks at him, he realizes that he’s crying. Hal is covering his face with his hands, the box of cereal still on the counter. His shoulders are shaking and Barry is on his feet and next to him even before he can process what’s going on.

            “Hey,” he says, putting a hand on Hal’s shoulder. “Hey, I'm here. Hal, it’s all right.”

            Hal shakes his head. He tries to wipe the tears away from his face, but more come anyway, so it’s pointless. He opens his mouth to speak, but he can’t form the words and Barry doesn’t understand him. He doesn’t know what to do, because it’s not often that Hal cries in front of him—he usually bottles up every single feeling inside him until he explodes, but not even once has Barry seen him cry.

            And he doesn’t know what to do about it.

            Barry feels like someone is squeezing his lungs, his stomach, his heart, like he can’t breathe, as he hears Hal sob, knowing that he can’t do anything about it. He feels like crying too, and he knows it’s ridiculous, but he can’t help him.

            He brushes a hand through Hal’s already messy hair. “What happened?” he mutters.

            Hal leans on him, but that’s all. He doesn’t hug him or press his head against Barry’s shoulder or anything, he just leans on him, a little bit closer. “Hal,” Barry mumbles, but Hal just keeps crying harder, sadder.

            If only Barry knew what was happening, why he was away. Hal wouldn’t tell him, and so Barry didn’t ask. He’s learned that sometimes it’s easier letting the matter go than press about it. If Hal doesn’t want to tell him, that’s fine. But Barry can’t bear looking at him like this. Hal, who is always laughing things off and cracking jokes. Hal, who is the one that comforts Barry, not the one that needs comforting. Hal, who never cries. _Hal Hal Hal_.

            Barry kisses his temple, as if it helped. Hal hiccups and hyperventilates, and it’s a while until he stops sobbing and says, “It’s my fault.”

            “What?”

            “It’s my fault they died,” he says again. He’s not crying anymore, but he’s not showing any other emotions either. His face is blank and he’s looking at some point behind Barry, eyes fixed on nothing. “I was there to help them and I let them down.”

            Barry cups his head. “What happened?” he asks again.

            Hal shakes his head. Barry brushes his thumbs against his cheeks. He says softly, “Tell me what happened”

            “I had to help a planet,” Hal begins, not looking at Barry. “I’ve helped planets before. It’s what I _do_.” He chuckles sourly. “There’d been some—some monster that’d been terrifying everyone, destroying buildings and killing folks and I had to help everyone that was left. And I did, and it was okay but suddenly—the monster—he… he killed everyone. And I couldn’t do _anything_.”

            Before Hal couldn’t stop crying, but now he’s not even showing one bit of emotion, and Barry doesn’t know what’s scarier. He’s not even looking at Barry, not even moving a muscle. He chuckles again.

            “He _knocked me out_. Just like _that_. Easy peasy. It thought I was dead or something because when I woke up, everyone else was dead.”

            “Hal—”

            “I was supposed to protect them.”

            Barry sighs. He knows Hal isn’t going to like this, but he says it anyway, “You can’t protect everyone.

            “Then what’s the point?” He curls his hand into fists, and Barry doesn’t know if he should be glad because of the reaction or not. “Why do we do what we do? How can you stand it?”

            “Hal—”

            “How can someone be okay knowing that a whole planet is gone? Just like that? Because I couldn't protect it?”

            “Hal—”

            “I’m supposed to protect the universe and I couldn’t even protect myself.”

            “ _Hal_ —”

            “How can you be with me knowing what I didn’t do? How can you not hate me?”

            Barry opens his mouth to say something, but he doesn’t know what. Because now Hal is looking at him, and he looks as if someone has just punched him. It’s worse than when he was crying, because when he was crying he had his face covered with his hands and Barry couldn’t see his eyes. But now they are showing every emotion possible and Barry _knows_ , he knows that Hal really thinks that Barry hates him.

            It’s breaking his heart.

            “Don’t be stupid,” he blurts out. He feels tears prickle in his eyes and it’s dumb but he can’t stop them. “I couldn’t hate you, not even if I tried. I—you—I’ve done wrong too. I’ve let people down. People have died because of me too. But I’ve saved a lot of people, and so have _you_. You’ve saved thousands of people over the years, Hal. You _have_ ,” he repeats when Hal looks down.

            “How can you not hate me?” Hal asks again, barely a whisper.

            “How could I?” Barry whispers as well. He presses his forehead against Hal’s. “I love you.”

            Hal smiles faintly, and then he’s pressing a kiss to Barry’s lips. It’s warm and familiar and Barry hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Hal until now. The kiss lasts hours or maybe a second, but when they break apart Barry hugs Hal, who whispers, “Don’t let go.”

            And Barry answers, “I won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> Why can I only write angsty stuff? No one knows. I hope you liked it! Tell me what you thought about it on a comment!!! <3


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